Memories

This month sucks for the Burton girls.  Jordan's birthday is the 23rd.  Followed by bad dates for him and then Dad's birthday on 2/11.  I have dreaded this actual year.  This year marks 17 years.  He turned 17 that year.  Now every year to come he'll have been gone longer than he was here.  Suckville!!!!  I never mentioned that to mom. Didn't want her to be sadder than she already was every year at this time.  I'm sure she knew, I'm sure she thought the same thing I did.  Anyway, this year is here, and I noticed that those dates are falling on the same days they did in 97.  Lovely.  

OK, done with the sad stuff.  I have reached a new stage of grief for mom.  For the past month & a half, I really wasn't sad because I could only remember her sick and how bad she had gotten.  I spent the first week home crying a lot at night.  Like I wrote before after her service here I handled the nights much better. Now I am finally past the bad memories and really missing the good ones.  I just miss her.  Last week is when I finally realized I was to a new point.  We were watching Big Bang Theory (one of her favorite comedies) and Penny was guest starring on NCIS and was going to flirt with Mark Harmon (no need to say her FAV).  Anyway, I was so excited I wanted to run to tell her and realized I couldn't.  Since then I have ran into people that I haven't seen in a year or more that had such wonderful memories to say about her.  Yesterday alone I ran into 3 people that I hadn't seen since she passed.  And one more that didn't know she had passed away.  Everyone said the same thing, she was so positive even when she every right to be down. I hope that I'm remembered positively like she, my dad & Jordan all are.

Today I had to go into the office which is next to the room she passed in.  I hadn't  gone in there since that day.  The door was open.  Instead of quickly closing it, I went in.  I was home alone and survived.  The grieving process is different for everyone, and different for every person you loose.  

I wonder what this next week will bring as we celebrate Jordan's life and death.  I am sure I will have reminders sent from above that Erin & I aren't alone.